By Charles Towne
To simply say there was a lot of pain associated with my breakup and divorce honestly would be a cop-out, even a lie. To be completely honest I’d have to say my emotions were a combination of hysterical relief and the shame of failure.
Let me paint a picture for you.
As boys will do I would run alongside the train trying to keep up with it, but one day I reached out and grabbed the ladder on the end of one of the boxcars, and the next thing I knew that train yanked me off my feet, in fact, it yanked me right out of my tennis shoes!
My feet were being dragged along on the sharp stone ballast and I was afraid I was going to be pulled under the train’s wheels.
Desperately, literally for the life of me, I pulled myself up and clung to that ladder! I was wondering how far the train would go before someone, anyone would see the little scared kid with the wet pants hanging onto a boxcar.
I knew that when the train left the town it would really gather speed, so, with a prayer and a push I began running, trying to move as fast as the train, and then I released the death grip I had on the ladder.
I ran, propelled by my momentum, I fell, tumbling and rolling as the gravel bit into my hands, elbows, knees, and face before I rolled into the weeds and thorn bushes alongside the tracks.
I laid there, wet pants, cuts, and scrapes on more places than you can imagine as the train grew smaller in the distance.
I had feelings of relief, guilt, and pain.
Relief because I didn’t have to hold on anymore. Guilt because I didn’t hold on longer, and pain because I was cut to shreds
I cried as I stood there listening to the train taunt me as it disappeared around a distant bend
I relate this now for I realize that the experience with the train was very much the same as getting out of a train wreck of a relationship that I shouldn’t have climbed into to begin with!
Yes, we sometimes jump on the relationship train and you are jerked off your feet, and maybe even out of your shoes. You hold on for dear life getting dragged, scraped, and beaten up.
You want to get off before the train gathers too much speed, but you are afraid to.
Finally, not knowing when or where it will stop, and in desperation, you give it all your strength, and jump off!
You are badly bruised from the fall.
Feelings of pain, horrible pain, sweep over you, but eventually, the pain becomes a numb ache, and then, eventually, even that goes away leaving you, perhaps wiser?
Dear Holy God, please give us wisdom! We know that you intend for each of us to know great peace and joy so please walk with us and give each of us wisdom. In Jesus’ wonderful name we beseech you, Amen.
Charles Towne is first and foremost a Christian. An octogenarian, author, journalist, wildlife photographer, naturalist, caregiver, and survivor, his life has been and continues to be, a never-ending adventure filled with possibilities never imagined. He has adopted the philosophy that to Live fully, laugh uproariously, love passionately, and learn like there is no tomorrow, is a formula for a long and joy-filled life.